Nov 04., 2023 / General, Homilies, Soul Food
Narcissists | Matthew 23:1-12
image from independent.ie
Psychologists can now distinguish 8 different kinds of narcissists, can you imagine? Eight! Let’s talk about 4 that are most familiar to us. First, the grandiose narcissists. Grandiose narcissists are your garden variety blow-hard, mayabang, mahangin. Their self-references are tireless & tiresome. They constantly trumpet their accomplishments & namedrop a lot. “CEO this, rich man that, socialite couple this invited me, sought me for advice, asked me for help,” all that. They brag about trips abroad, showcase their latest designer purchases. And if you talk about yours, you find yourself “politely” one-upped. Grandiose narcissists, the imeldifics, are arrogant, flamboyant, & hopelessly competitive.
Second, malignant narcissists. One time, a student begrudged me the grade I gave him in theology. He was best in Philosophy daw back in college seminary in the province, & getting a B in my theology course was insulting. For the next 3 years, he became legendary for rarely missing a chance to bad-mouth me to fellow seminarians. He’d even dissuade them from enrolling in the courses I teach, can you imagine? Malignant narcissists are everything that grandiose narcissists are, but with value-added: venom. They vilify whoever they perceive undervalues them. So, they hatch rumors, lie, manipulate information; anything to defame the enemy & quash the competition. To help their cause, they cozy up to the authorities with favors & flattery.
Third, covert narcissists. A little harder to detect because they self-report as victims. They bemoan that their bosses/superiors don’t trust them, peers undervalue them. They’re always sidelined, passed over, ignored. But listen a bit further & the real sound byte comes along: “I would’ve been the better choice. I’m the best one who could’ve done the job. I’m smarter & more experienced than anyone here. May favoritism kasi dito, so, I’m grossly unappreciated. But don’t ever come asking me for help when things go bad.” Very strangely, covert narcissists play lament & persecution as the musical score for their self-aggrandizement.
Fourth, communal narcissists: the altruistic, charitable type. They support orphanages, feeding programs, relief work. They raise funds for seminaries & churches. If you really think about it, they’re not any more helpful or more compassionate than the next person. But they want to be seen & heard that way. Communal narcissists project an image of kindness, self-sacrifice, & love for the poor. But at their core, it’s really about attention-seeking, impression management. At their worst, they push their weight around & manipulate decision makers to achieve their own aims. But since their clarion call is service, no one blows the whistle on their vanity.
In today’s Gospel, Jesus calls out the Pharisees & scribes for their narcissism. “They perform all their works to be seen (pakitang tao lang daw). They widen their phylacteries & lengthen their tassels (para mapansin na tapat sila sa batas ng Diyos). They love places of honor at banquets (mga senyoritong pinagsisilbihan), seats of honor in synagogues, greetings in marketplaces, & being called ‘Rabbi’” (donor, celebrity, titulado). There’s also a certain malignancy to them because “they preach but not practice (and) tie up heavy burdens & lay them on people’s shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to help them.”
‘Yun talaga ang delikado: religious narcissism; because we can hide behind a good & holy cause: God! But it feels exhilarating because we have a captive audience: the community. We have a stage: the altar. We have a theater: the church. We have shoulder-to-shoulder friends: kura paroko, bishop, cardinal. And look! Look at the people we’ve helped, people who thank us & need us & pray for us: the poor, the scholars, the ill, the priests, nuns, seminarians! Don’t get me wrong, religious narcissists are highly accomplished. We cannot diminish their contributions. They’re pretty apparent, beneficial, & we keep turning to them in our hour of need. But the self-importance, the backdoor manipulation, the self-imposition & self-promotion. It all comes down to me, myself, & I, “but all for God & the salvation of my soul.”
Which brings us to the probably reason why narcissists are the way they are. Unless there are minions, they feel terribly alone. Unless there are spectators, they feel invisible. Unless there’s an audience, they feel unheard; worse, unheard of. Unless they prove themselves, they feel worthless. In other words, their locus of self-esteem is entirely external. Be visible & loud. Let it all be public & larger than life. Otherwise, their innermost self, gapes with unbearable, unbelievable emptiness.
You know, sisters & brothers, Jesus might’ve been able to reform the hierarchs much sooner & more efficiently were he born to a priestly family & became a Temple authority, or if he became a rabbi, Sadducee, Pharisee himself. ‘Yun bang taong may sinasabi sa lipunan at simbahan. But Jesus was born an ordinary Jew, to a poor family who schooled & raised him to goodness & love of God. Artisan like his dad, he built & fixed things for more than half his life. In his final 3 years, he built & fixed people. He was more credible than all the rabbis, wiser than all the prophets, mightier than all the kings put together. But never once do we hear him self-refer as rabbi, prophet, or even son of God. Instead, what did Jesus call himself, sisters & brothers? Son of man. In bible-speak, what’s that mean: son of man? A person. A regular, typical, ordinary, simple person. A guy. Guy from Nazareth. A guy whose simplicity, humility, & poverty, & whose enormous power & great love put the narcissists to shame.
Homily delivered by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ
31st Sunday in Ordinary Time
Cenacle Retreat House
4 November 2023 (Anticipated Sunday Mass)
