Jul 17., 2016   /   Homilies, Soul Food

Salvation is God Loving Us First

Homily by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ, for the Sixteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time, at the Cenacle Retreat House, Quezon City. The Gospel is from Luke 10:38-42.

My elder brother & I did very well in the Ateneo de Davao while we were growing up. We tried to land in the honor roll every quarter, & join elocution & spelling contests where we thought we excelled. As each school-year came to a close, kuya & I, in quiet desperation, gunned for the most medals because we figured, the more medals we had, the more times dad & mom could come up onstage to pin them on us. Kuya & I were desperate, I say again. Because dad expected only 1st-honors. He once said, “I know both of you are capable of always being 1st honors. So do it. Kami ng mommy n’yo, public school lang kami noon. Kayo ngayon, Ateneo. So, do it. Take advantage of the blessing. Don’t be 2nd honor or 3rd honor; first honor lang!”
Dad put all our medals in one big frame he hung on the wall. But whenever I looked at that vitreous memento of our accomplishments, I felt more sad than anything else. Whereas dad was all the happier & prouder when we were 1st-honor, the opposite was also true. He’d go into some kind of “funk” if we landed anything less. He’d be surly, cold, on-edge; 2nd, 3rd honor, silver, bronze…not good enough.
I think I’ve told you this story before. There was one evening when dad flew into a rage when he saw that our final exam grades wouldn’t land us 1st honors. Kuya was in 6th grade, I was in 4th. We had written our marks on our assignment notebook & show them to our parents. At noong, ika nga, tinimbang kami ni daddy ngunit kulang, our notebooks came hurtling across the living room as he hurled them at the television. Then he yelled, “Wala na bang itataas ito!?” Then he stormed out & went up the bedroom. Then, after what seemed to be forever, he summoned us up to the room where we found him looking very, very tired. He sat us in front of him, & with disarming tenderness, he said, “Mga anak, magmula ngayon, hinding-hindi na ako magagalit nang dahil lang sa grado n’yo sa eskwela. I’m sorry, mga anak.” The next thing I remember: my face buried against dad’s neck, & my cheek turning warm with my tears. From that evening forward, kuya & I didn’t have to purchase dad’s pride with the currency of medals & honor cards. In that moment of contemplation in the room, dad finally paused from all his frantic struggle for success which he calibrated according to the medals & honors he could make his sons bring home. Dad must’ve finally realized something else was more important to him now than honors & medals, & that was, that we were his children.
There’s nothing wrong with being like a Martha who spins around like a top in the kitchen—always doing, doing, doing stuff for Jesus. But you know, several people have asked me, “Father, what else can I do ba to please God? I pray every morning & night naman, I give alms, I go to Church faithfully, I confess naman, I try to be a good mother & wife. What more can I do?” Then, the clincher: “Why do I feel it’s not enough?” Not enough for God (I usually want to ask)? Or not enough for you? Is it really all about satisfying God? Maybe, if for a while, we stopped doing, doing, doing something for God, & for a change, listening, waiting, being present to God, we might finally awaken to the sense that it doesn’t have to be always all about us pleasing God all the time. It’s also all about God loving us first—before we can even do the first thing for him.
Like kuya & I grew up thinking that we had to earn dad’s pride by a maddening forage for honors & medals, many Catholics have been led to think that we must earn God’s love at a high price, we must merit expensive grace by doing, doing, doing; that we must guarantee our heaven by praying, praying, praying; that we must forestall God’s anger by obeying, obeying, obeying. No, I’m not saying we should stop doing or praying or obeying. But if we are scared that God might stop loving us, blessing us, & saving us unless we earn it, then we’d have tragically misrepresented God. If that’s the case, salvation & grace become all about us, what we can do. And only subsequently about God—signing our assignment notebook, “first honor”.
Jesus didn’t take it against Martha for spinning around in the kitchen. He knew she was doing this for him. But not for a minute did Jesus take it against Mary either, for not doing anything, just sitting there, for him. Jesus loved the sisters, that was the most important thing; he wanted to visit with them, to stay with them, to waste time with them & share their presence before either woman could even do anything for him.
This short story of Jesus in Bethany speaks volumes about salvation, dear sisters & brothers. Salvation is primarily God loving us first, & only subsequently, us loving him back. Both are important & needed & inseparable. But we need to get the order right: laging nauuna tayong mahalin ng Diyos. At ang pag-ibig ng Diyos, hindi kailangan kitain, o suhulan, o bilhin, kasi bigay. Libre. At buhos pa. Tayo lang naman ang naglalagay ng presyo sa pag-ibig ng Diyos, kasi madalas, ganoon tayo sa isa’t isa. Pero ang Diyos hindi ganon. What we can do for God is second only to the breadth & depth of his joy & delight in loving us first, in blessing us freely, & in wanting to be with us forever. God’s love is first, free, & forever. Amen.

Painting: “Martha and Mary” by He Qi