When I hang on to my ego like I hang for life
Devil clinging to me closely cutting like a knife
In my effort to preserve myself I lose the fight
Spiraling me downwards to a never ending night
Before I know it the depression hits. It pulls me away
From the ability to hope it’ll be a brighter day
Anxiety and fear join me on the road
Medicating all the manic highs and the lows
I have suffered through the bruises of this back-breaking work
Didn’t rest so I got on the brink of going berserk
Poured from an empty cup, nothing was left
Went through the weaving of the warp and the weft
Hail Mary, full of grace
Take me out if this deep, dark place
Lamenting at the illusion that I cannot rest
Forgetting to trust that God’s plan is the best
I had to be exhausted to be devoid of the choice
To do nothing but rely on God’s will and His voice
He said,”you’re getting in your own way by clinging too hard”
Just let go and surrender. Hand me your cards
So let go I did, albeit reluctantly
And I resigned to the depression incessantly
But then I tried my hardest to pause and to pray
And little by little I could see the light at the end of the day
What prevents me from believing in God’s love for me
Is the pride and egoistic spirituality
That this world forces on you and infects us with sin
Surrendering to Him’s the only pathway to win
So I remember I’m an athlete and a soldier for Christ
And must be disciplined to fight against the devil’s heist
To sow fear and shame and rob our hearts of peace
A docile, happy rested soul should be what God sees
Surrender to God
Rid yourself of the ego
Surrender to God
Rest in Him
(written by one of the retreatants during the Holy Triduum Retreat 28-31 March 2024)