Surrender
There were several things I asked dad for as a child that he never bought me. He either said no, or not react, or said, “Sisirain mo lang ‘yan.” I wanted a toy robot for the longest time. “No.” There was a time I loved having smooth, shiny things in my pocket, like a stone, a small tile, a sigay from sungka. One time, I was drawn to my uncle’s mini-Zippo lighter, small & shiny. So, I asked dad to buy me one. I promised I’d never light it. I just wanted it. He glared his disbelief & his no. When cousins loaned us their Atari, kuya & I asked for one of our own. “Sisirain n’yo lang ‘yan.” There was a whole stretch in my life when I begrudged dad his many no’s to what I believed I needed from him, both visible & invisible, especially because I earned it by behaving well, doing well in school, bringing back medals. But without being aware of it, I actually developed a transactional notion of my relationship w/ dad: make dad more & more proud, he’d say less no’s & more yeses. It’s not entirely our fault, sisters & brothers, that many of us have unwittingly transmuted this transactionality to our relationship w/ God. Doing that, if unintentionally, we’ve started believing that God is a meritocratic God, & the modus he operates on is meritocracy. Remember how we sometimes joke & say, “We’re doing this to earn pogi points in heaven”? Or say, “Swerte n’yo naman, may pari kayo sa pamilya. May tiket na kayo sa langit.” Or when we tell children, “’Wag malikot sa church. Papa Jesus will get enggri!” Or, “If you’re good boy/girl, happy si Papa God. If bad boy/girl, sad si Papa God.” The more rosaries, the more Mary will intercede for us. The longer we pray, the faster we get the delivery from heaven’s Lazada. It has even leaked into our works of mercy. “Help the poor & you will ‘go to heaven.’” A meritocratic God is one whose goodness towards us depends on our prior meritorious acts. Na para bang God’s default is neutral. We do a meritorious act first, & only then does our merit switch God on, whereupon he bestows grace, favor, blessings, accordingly. Even better: we put ourselves deliberately through hardship & difficulty, all the more we poise God towards signing our request! Today, Jesus’ friends ask him to increase their faith. Luke doesn’t mention why. But in Matthew, this happens after they failed to exorcise a boy. So, they believe their failure was due to a shortfall of faith. These are very good people, by the way, very sincere & desirous to save a boy from a demon. Then again, doesn’t a boy’s healing depend more on God’s Providence rather than the amount of fire-power that the disciples believe they lack due to their faith deficit? Kasi gano’n ba ‘yon? Lakasan n’yo faith n’yo, lalakasan din ng Diyos kapangyarihan n’yo. There’s something a little off in there. Kaya siguro sinabi ni Hesus, “Huh? Even if your faith is infinitesimal, you could uproot this huge tree,” which I perceive is another way of saying kahit na kakaunti lang faith mo, that’s not going to stop God from doing even greater things than this for someone he loves who is sick. Eh, bakit pa tayo magdadasal sa Diyos, kung alam na naman niya kung ibibigay niya sa atin o hindi ang hiling natin? Well, first of all, prayer is not just petition, right? It’s part of our relating to & with God, both as individuals & as a community, along with good works, acts of charity, compassion, etc. But secondly, we should not stop asking God for what we need just because, as we say, God already knows what we need before we ask. No. When we keep praying for the grace we need (key phrase, “keep praying”), we realize more & more deeply how totally, desperately, endlessly dependent we are on God. And you know what, sisters & brothers, as many of you have already discovered by now, the more we realize in prayer how deeply, desperately, & endlessly dependent we are on God—it’s such a mysterious, miraculous thing—that we also increasingly sense how deeply, desperately, & endlessly kind-hearted & loving, generous & caring God has always been to us, all this time. Kaya tuloy, lumalalim ang ating pananampalataya. Allow me to repeat that. When we keep praying for the grace we need (key phrase, “keep praying”), God takes us to that place where we realize how totally, desperately, endlessly dependent we are on his goodness. But the longer we’re there, the clearer we see how loving & generous God has always been to us, anyway, more than we deserve or ask for. So, our faith deepens. We want more faith not so much to merit his reward. Rather, we want more faith because it makes us surrender to God, who has, nevertheless, been unfailing & relentless in goodness & providence, much more than we even deserve. That’s what’s behind Jesus’ parable in the 2nd part of today’s Gospel. We will always be only servants to the Master. We do what the Master obliges us to do. But it’s his will that will bring everything to a good end. Faith is not so much to earn or buy or finagle the Master’s prize. Faith means surrender to the Master’s goodness. So, dad never gave me a robot, a Zippo, an Atari, & then some, despite my most importunate begging. Only years after I left home did I progressively realize, hey, my dad started me off on Peanuts comics, then, Hardy Boys, then, a whole set of Collier’s Encyclopedia, w/ a 4-volume set of Medical Encyclopedia; then, signed me up for piano school even as it took away
