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Homily

Homilies, Soul Food

Heavens Deep

Homily by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ. Christmas Eve 2016. Cenacle Retreat House.   As a child, I used to love the Christmas tree. But the older I got, the parol very naturally supplanted the tree, & became for me the symbol for Christmas; especially the simpler ones, the parol ribbed with kawayan, skinned with papel de hapon or cellophane, & with the flowing buntot reminiscent of Bulacan pastillas, na sa tuwing hinihipan ng hangin, lumalagaslas na parang mga dahon! The fabulous Christmas tree sits in a designated place in our homes. The parol, however, it hangs outside, mostly alone. But to me, it hangs with quiet splendor, watching over us. The tree is mostly Scandinavian & doesn’t bring you back to Bethlehem. The parol is truly ours, truly Pinoy; & the star will forever beam memories back to the 1st Christmas. The last time I saw a dust storm of stars was in Culion, Palawan, 26 years ago. Every night, they turned off all the generators on the island at 10. Then the stars almost suddenly come out to play, wide-eyed & sparkling. The darker the island, the brighter the stars. Iniisip ko nga, sana madala ninyo ang mga bata sa kung saan kaunti pa lang ang ilaw, para malaman nila kung ano talaga ang sinasabing “starry, starry night.” For hundreds of years, travelers charted their journeys according to the stars. In fact, the word “dis-aster” comes from the Latin which literally means to lose one’s star, to drift from your star-charted course, or to be ill-starred. And for hundreds of years, people have divined the future by the stars, which is why we have the Horoscope or astrology, the “logic” of the stars. Today, we know that stars are really suns, each with a solar system. So a star actually holds together a rosary of planets that float nicely together, yet also nicely apart. In a sense, stars fasten the universe in cosmic stasis. Today, however, many stars seem to have vanished because there’s just too much light that outshines them in the cities. But, oh, they’re still there. They’ve been there far, far longer than humans. In fact, many stars we see today are the very same stars our ancestors also beheld. Can you imagine? Long after humanity blows itself out, the stars will remain in the same quiet magnificence; God proving to us yet again that true beauty is heavens deep. Our humble parol reminds us Christmas after Christmas that we have one such star, the one true Star, in fact. And it’s not Ate Guy, the superstar, the star for all seasons, Ate Vi, nor megastar Ate Shawie. True to his mission, our one true Star persistently shows us, travellers, the way…even if we deliberately lose our Star sometimes when we we’re drawn by the glare of our own accomplishments, our blazing ego, our blinding control issues. Secondly, our humble parol reminds us that it’s not how our stars are fixed that sways our fortune. The fault does not lie in our stars, sisters & brothers. No, it’s how we arrange our lives according to the one true Star that governs our future. I have yet to meet anyone whose life changed for the better because he consulted his horoscope daily. I do know that many of us here, we’ve discovered our deepest sense of purpose because, though we fail many times, we still try to chart our course according to the movement of the Star of Bethlehem. Thirdly, many times unbeknownst to us, our one true Star persists in holding humanity in mysterious equilibrium. Humanity left to itself, we would alter the laws of gravity & make ourselves the center. Our Star, however, has the steady hands of the divine & holds us with loving care. Sisters & brothers, don’t you feel that now, more than ever, we need our Star desperately? In tonight’s readings, Isaiah & Paul could very well have been talking about us: “a people who walk in darkness,” a people who frantically need “to see the great light,” waiting for God’s glory “to deliver us from all lawlessness.” Marami na pong nagtanong sa akin, “Father, what are we going to do? We must do something!” At nahihiya po ako dahil hindi ko po alam ang sagot. Matagal na pong lumipas ‘yung mga panahon na ang pari may sagot sa lahat ng bagay. Like you, I’m staggering in the dark for an answer. There’s so much I don’t know, so much I no longer know, & honestly, there are things that I don’t want to know. What I do know very well is that if your way is violence in word & deed, then you cannot be the way. You do not know the way. And if you’re constantly smoldering with anger & resentment & vendetta, & are even proud of it, then you are light-years away from the truth. And if your idea of brightening up the future is snuffing out human life & bringing back men who have once already darkened our history, then you do not bring light, you bring darkness. You are darkness. Surely, it was heartbreaking for Joseph & Mary to have brought Jesus into the world in such harsh conditions, through no fault of theirs. Even the national situation was terrible then. This census that governor Quirinius imposed on Judeans, this was the beginning of the Roman occupation of Judah. Judah was once a kingdom: free, sovereign, & glorious. Now, Judeans were about to devolve into 2nd class citizens in their own land. Who knew what deeper horrors the Romans had in store for them? So, the Messiah is no stranger to darkness, to dictatorship, & to bloodshed—to history repeating itself, in other words. But I’ve always believed that humanity is God’s biography. That’s what God has done in the Incarnation. We are God’s life-story. Niloob ng Diyos na maging kwentong-buhay niya ang kwentong-buhay ng sangkatauhan, kwentong-buhay natin. So even if many times, human history

General, Homilies, Soul Food

Kings

Homily by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ on the Solemnity of Christ the King, at the Cenacle Retreat House, Quezon City. Neuropsychologist, Dr. James Fallon has studied the neuropathology of dictators. In a brief summary, he says in Psychology Today: “So, what binds dictators across history and geography? What traits do they share? They are usually charming, charismatic, intelligent. They brim with self-confidence & independence, & exude sexual energy. (From an accompanying video) Many of them are hypersexual, some are asexual, but sexually, many of them are off. They are also extremely self-absorbed, masterful liars, compassionless, often sadistic, & possess a boundless appetite for power.” Sound familiar? Hitler, Stalin, Quadafi, Putin, Kim Jong-il, Assad, etc., & of course, the latest “Miss Universe” of leaders today, Donald Trump, they all fit the bill. Pinoys aren’t exempt, are we? It’s interesting, but dictators do have things in common. Grandiosity—the rich ones, in lifestyle; the not-so-rich, in behavior; ballistic attitude against opposers; victorious rhetoric of being champions for the poor, even if everybody knows they all connive with aristocrats who, with them, do not care a whit for the poor. Dr. Fallon says that dictators show the same behaviors as ordinary psychopaths. Psychopaths are the way they are because of an underdeveloped, scarred, or damaged pre-frontal cortex. That area of the brain is abnormally low-activity. This predisposes them to aggression. Their amygdala is also abnormal so they can’t regulate their fear very well, or their rage, sexual impulses, & emotional memory. Organized chaos, that’s how their neurochemicals fire. I guess that’s why they’re charismatic yet aggressive, brilliant yet deeply hateful, friendly yet coldly vindictive. In all this, they feel very good about themselves! See, when you read & listen to Dr. Fallon, you’ll find that he’s very professional. He doesn’t make value judgments. He simply reports his fascinating neurological findings. So, listening to him, you start to get the impression that psychopaths aren’t that way by choice; that it’s not them, it’s how their brains are wired; that they’re, well, more or less, “normal” rather than bone-deep wacko. After all, for us, wacko means mental hospital crazy. Right? These men, however, are out loose, & something about them appeals to thousands. Do we not, after all, remember that it’s people who sit “kings” on their thrones? So, something in these pathological “kings” stirs people profoundly. I’m not sure what it is, but more & more, I think that their strange mystique appeals to people’s core issues of powerlessness. The helpless, the edged-out, the forgotten, the mass of everyday humanity seem to enthrone with these “kings” their long-standing yearnings—in spite of signs aplenty pointing right the opposite! But they’re also enthroned by the self-seeking wealthy who would befriend anyone & anything to perpetuate themselves. Question: is it fair to say that pathological dictators do not make themselves kings, but rather, that people crown them? Maybe. Maybe we do choose our kings. And from the way we, Pinoys, have freely elected sovereigns—& I wish to emphasize that word, “freely”, something not many nations today happen to enjoy—from the way we’ve crowned our kings, it isn’t clear if we really know what we’re doing, even if we might know what we want. In the 1st reading, Yahweh chooses David & makes him king, a breath of fresh air after the troubled reign of manic-depressive Saul whom, by the way, people hailed as their first king. David was the greatest king of Israel. Everything their past kings were, David wasn’t. He was merciful. He made mistakes but admitted he was wrong & repented. He cared for his subjects rather than lorded it over them. Most of all, may takot siya sa Diyos. David feared & was faithful to God more than anybody else, even more than himself. The next greatest king would be born from David’s lineage. And like David, this one was merciful. He was deeply in touch with his strengths & weaknesses. He had a soft spot for the helpless, the edged-out, the forgotten. He repudiated human evils & human suffering, not his enemies. With great respect & captivating gentleness, he carried himself in simplicity. But the self-righteous angered him, the overbearing, the snobbish; because they added burden to the already burdened. Most of all, he was wise because his heart was his Father’s. ‘Yun nga lang, hindi handa para sa isang hari tulad niya ang sarili niyang mundong ginalawan. So they parodied his sovereignty with thorns for a crown, a cross for a throne, & a mocking supertitle, “king of the Jews.” We know better today, don’t we? Then again, I’m not sure. Maybe, had we kept our eyes fixed on the “king of the Jews” every time we exercised our God-given freedom to elect our “kings,” then maybe, we would’ve reached that day when our potential leaders really worked themselves up to the criteria—the criteria of the crucified king of the Jews who healed our suffering, or at least, made sense of our suffering through is own—instead of worsen it. Unless we keep our eyes lifted towards the our king of the Jews, we will be choosing time & again, & giving tremendous power to psychopaths. And, you know, dear sisters & brothers, I hate to say this, but unless we learned to apply the criteria of the king of the Jews to our potential kings, we’d most probably keep deserving these psychopaths. May this season of Advent be a time of repentance & forgiveness. Maybe we can also repent over, & later forgive ourselves, for many of our questionable choices for “kings”. May the Lord look with mercy upon all of us from his cross & free us from our own crosses, some of which have been self-chosen. Amen.

General, Homilies, Soul Food

Breathe

This homily on Luke 21: 5-19 was given by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ, on the Thirty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time (C), at the Cenacle Retreat House, Quezon City. This past week was a tough riddle for many of us, Jesuits. The other night, some brothers & I got together. We all wondered: “Are we the ones missing something here? Have we been standing for the wrong principles all this time?” Because no sooner did the Supreme Court rule on a burial that left us reeling, than the US proclaimed Trump president. Right in his victory speech, he said, “You’ll be so proud of your president, you’ll be so proud.” He couldn’t help it; not for a minute could the man help praising himself! Then my phone beeped; an email from my American friend: a link to Time Magazine, entitled, “Philippine leader sends olive branch to US after the election.” Sub-title? “We both like to swear.” If the world had come to this, what were we missing? My asthma attacks were horrible when I was younger. They were precipitated by my own disobedience. Sinabi nang h’wag magpapatuyo ng pawis, sinabi nang h’wag magpapagod sa laro, sinabi nang ‘wag maninigarilyo. I disobeyed. Kaya ayon, hika. I’d stay awake at night, finding it hard to breathe. But my dad would stay up, rubbing my chest & my back, which was my only comfort. Then, after a couple of days, my dad would ask, “Anak, nararamdaman mo bang gumagaling ka?” Then I’d realize, yes. I did feel better. “’Wag kang mag-alala, anak. If you feel better now, you’ll feel better tomorrow than you do today. Then you’ll feel better the day after that. May awa ang Diyos.” Dad has no idea how these simple, old words have carried me through the deepest, darkest episodes in my life. Now that I’m 50, I do a lot of looking back. I can honestly tell you that my most difficult crises were my own doing. They were the fruit of my own impulsive & wrong choices. They were once blessings, yes, but they turned into poison because I either misused them or took them for granted. Sure, sometimes I felt that the consequences of my faults far outweighed my misdeeds. Still, I will say, I reaped what I sowed. And, you know, in my deepest despair & self-regret, a voice in my head would go: “’Wag kang mag-alala anak. You’ll start feeling better tomorrow, & the next day, & better each day after that. May awa ang Diyos.” In the first part of today’s gospel, Luke describes the destruction of Jerusalem through Jesus’ words. We’re not sure if Jesus actually predicted the destruction. But we can be sure that the words Luke put in the Lord’s mouth accurately describe that dreadful day, year 70AD—when the Romans plundered Jerusalem. Actually, the Jews erupted into many rebellions against Rome in years previous. But this time, Emperor Titus finally decided to teach Israel a lesson. Listen to a Jewish historian named Josephus who lived to see that day: “As soon as the army had no more people to slay or plunder, because there remained none to be objects of their fury, Titus gave orders to demolish the entire city & the Temple. Jerusalem was destroyed so completely that nothing was left to make anyone believe it was ever inhabited.” Then, Luke segues the gospel by describing his present situation: the persecution of Christians. “They will seize you, imprison you, embarrass you before the powerful of the land.” It’s all very dark, this gospel. But it ends with a reassurance: “But not a hair on your head will be destroyed. By your perseverance you will secure your lives.” Well, today, Israel is still alive & Christianity is still growing in number. Someone texted me yesterday & asked: “Has the world gone mad for choosing & giving power to mad men?” Then again, we who think we’re the ones seeing straight, especially the clergy—could we be the ones so maddeningly blind? Who knows? But dear sisters & brothers, we have no satisfying explanation to the troubling things happening lately. No matter; while we’re looking for an answer, hatred is still on the rise, & arrogance, its fuel. Integrity in the supposedly “highest” places of respect has hit rock-bottom. But worst of all, please remember that people are being murdered. Whether it’s the innocent or the guilty who die, killed the way they are, it’s still murder, every day. Asthma? Are we suffering from socio-political, spiritual, moral ‘asthma’? We’re not quite sure if all of this should make us heave a sigh of relief. But as a country, our breaths are shallow & labored, & that sigh of relief we desperately want to breathe, we don’t know if it’s safe to do so just yet. But come to think of it, sisters & brothers, we Pinoys have been through the best & the worst, & many times over, haven’t we? Our dear country is none the worse for wear, but we’re still up & our faith is strong. So, we have enough proof that whatever happens, the good always eventually conquers the evil. God pulls through. We’ve seen that in our personal lives. We’ve seen that in our families. And we’ve seen that, more or less, in our country. Goodness may suffer at the beginning & fall sick, & mostly because of our doing, our wrong choices as a community. But coming back to dad’s simple words, it will feel better tomorrow, then the next day, & better each day, because “may awa ang Diyos.” The Lord comes to rule the earth with justice, our psalm today says. So, we wait until goodness is up & running again because then, it will strike the evil & teach them a lesson. Call it grace, call it divine justice, or call it karma. But while we’re waiting for this, we have to do our part by staying up all night to nurse goodness back

Homilies, Soul Food

“Come down…”

Homily by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ, for the Thirty-first Sunday in Ordinary Time, at the Cenacle Retreat House, Quezon City. The Gospel is from Luke 19:1-10. Ah, Zaccheus, one of my favorites. I wonder why (!) You should hear the gospel in Tagalog. “Pumasok si Jesus sa Jerico…May isang tao roong ang pangalan ay Zaqueo, pinuno ng mga maniningil ng buwis at napakayaman. Sinisikap niyang makita si Jesus, ngunit sa dami ng tao, hindi niya ito makita dahil sa siya’y pandak.” How brutal ‘no? That sycamore Zaccheus was on, that must’ve been only one of the many things he had had to climb so he could to get to be where he wanted to be, what he wanted to be. But Zacchaeus was already a full-fledged, card-bearing, dignified Jew. He was healthy; no illness or debilitating deformity. He was smart; he certainly knew his percentages. He was Jewish, albeit working for the Romans. And he was male. So he had quite enough going for him. But, as life would have it, he didn’t turn heads because he was healthy, smart, a Jew, or male—but because he was pandak. And a tax collector at that. “How worse could a man get?” people must’ve snorted. “Pandak na nga, buwaya pa!” But much deeper still, Zaccheus must’ve always had to climb the hard way to get to where he was now, to climb many such “sycamore trees” so he could be head & shoulders above the rest in some desperate way; above the mocking, prejudicial lot of them! For he must’ve always come up short & diminished & made to feel like “damaged goods.” Ah, but the best “sycamore tree” Zacchaeus had thus far climbed was being tax collector for Rome. And excuse me, chief tax collector; really up there, rich, powerful. You could almost hear him say, “Sure, go ahead, mock me for being short, for being a systematic thief, a traitor to the nation, sleeper with the enemy, bloodsucker extraordinaire. But whom do you run to now when you need a swift capital? Who ransoms you from your despicable arrears? Who funds your pathetic shortfalls & saves your lousy necks?” His existential sycamore couldn’t grow high enough to counterweigh the depth of damage he harbored in life. No one could make him get back down now. And one day, Jesus walks into his life, or from under him for that matter. After the Lord must have spoken to a faceless, nameless crowd, & was on his way again, he cares enough to stop, raise eyes & face to this little monkey & calls him by name! “Hey, Zacchaeus,” which in Hebrew, means pure, innocent, unblemished; can you imagine? “Come down, for I must stay at your house today.” Not just “eat” at his house today, not just “drop by” his house today. Stay. Which should come as no surprise to us, brothers & sisters, because whenever Jesus demonstrates the quality of God’s forgiveness—quantity is quality! Divine forgiveness is scandalously extravagant. “I’m staying at your house today, your home. Bring us there, where you are truly yourself, where you are loved & not judged, where you truly are a ‘Zacchaeus’ in the eyes of those who love you.” Dear sisters & brothers, like Zaccheus, we are all somehow “damaged goods,” too. Almost all of us bear deep scars from the injury that’s been dealt us, especially while we were growing up. At some point, we felt short-changed. We were short on the love of people who were supposed to protect & love us. As we grew up, we were short on respect because people seemed to look at what we lack instead of what we could offer. We weren’t talented enough, weren’t beautiful enough, weren’t wealthy enough. We grew older still, we came up short on opportunities because people preferred some other guy & they did so with a different metric, but on that never measured from our head up. No wonder, when are the worst of ourselves, all this damage starts talking & taking over. So, when we found our sycamores, we started climbing. Some of us started to think that people are mere branches upon which to leverage our dream-catching. So we grabbed at them & climbed all over them, including even our loved ones. In our desperate ascent, we became injurious. But we shrugged off our casualties as “collateral damage.” After all, we were someone’s collateral damage ourselves once upon a time. The Lord never thinks we’re beyond repair, that we’re beyond forgiving. And incidentally, you never hear the Lord say, “You see my kingdom up in the heavens? Well, way up there is also my metric, my standards. Now, until you reach that kind of perfection, you will not reach me, nor me you. So, get busy. Work your way up there & only than shall I grace you.” (Believe it or not, to this day, there are religious congregations that still teach & live by that grandiloquent, counter-Incarnational theology. They think they’re building up God by putting humanity down.) No. “Come down from the tree & meet me down here, where I am,” Jesus tells Zacchaeus. Funny, but do you notice that when Jesus calls someone to follow him, it’s the Lord who first follows the person back to where that person lives? He did this with Matthew, too, another tax collector. “Come to me,” Jesus always says, which really means, “Let me come with you. Let’s walk to your home where you cannot pretend, where you don’t have to. Let’s walk home where you can tell me how you feel life has short-changed all these years—so I could restore to you everything about yourself that you’ve sold out, just to feel that you’re not a nobody.” Dear sisters & brothers, it’s not that we don’t like to climb back down from our sycamores; I don’t think. Maybe we just don’t know how to do it anymore. We’re not even sure if it’s safe down on

Homilies, Soul Food

Signs

Homily by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ, on  the Twenty-eighth Monday in Ordinary Time, at the Ateneo University Chapel, Quezon City. The Gospel is from Luke 11: 29-32a. I have a few good friends who at some point in their lives prayed a particular novena. And while they did, they hoped to be given a sign at the end of 9 days whether God’s answer to their petition was a yes or a no. If they were given a rose, whether or not there was an apparent reason, or if they smelled roses whether or not there were roses around, then that was God’s yes. Otherwise, it was a no. And you know, some did get roses & the others smelled them–& they were really granted what they asked for in the novena. I understand how we would want God to give us a sign—especially when we need some form of initial certitude over God’s yes or no, or what’s going to happen according to his will. What I find just a bit dangerous in this is when we subconsciously want God to send us a sign that we want, a sign in our terms. Very often, the more dramatic a sign is, or the stranger it is, the more we believe it’s from “heaven”—like a white butterfly out of the blue, or the time 11:11 on a digital clock, or a dream. When we start expecting those kinds of signs, then we might have begun looking for our own sign of confirmation rather than seriously discern God’s will. “This generation is perverse,” Jesus says in the gospel, “It seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it.” By the time this story happened, Jesus had already fed 5000, already healed a demon-possessed boy, already raised a dead girl back to life. But to a people who envisioned a Messiah in their own image & likeness, the signs must be tailored to their specifications. So, even if the Messiah stood right before their very eyes with signs aplenty, he was lost on them. If we wish to see signs from God, maybe we shouldn’t first resort to the other-worldly or the preternatural. God’s signs are all around us, God’s signs are also within. How is your relationship with your spouse going? Or your teen-ager? Or your parents? That’s a sign. How is your body feeling, what do you weigh, how’s your cholesterol? That’s a sign. If you’re a boss in your office, are people happy to see you when you come in? Or do you say you really don’t care anymore if your people like you or not? That’s a sign. What’s the predominant inner dialogue you hear in your head: is it often immediately critical? Is it about gratitude? Is it always a list of things to do? That’s a sign. If you were to pie-chart your overall moods at the end of each day for a week, how does the slice of “awesome” compare with the slice of “don’t ask”?  Well, that’s a sign, & God is telling us something through them. In other words, when we need a sign from God to help us to know his will, his desire—we take a good, contemplative look at people around us, & we take a good, contemplative look inside us, what we think, & feel. We look at our bodies & we look into our hearts. We heed what people say, then watch our reactions. We listen to what we say, then notice their reactions. Because through all of these, God signs his presence & his will. In theology, we say that God is a revelatory God & that his will is to constantly disclose himself to us. We can be sure then, that God doesn’t want to keep us guessing. God would love for us to get the message.

Homilies, Jubilee, Soul Food

Self-awareness and Conversion

LAUNCH OF THE 50TH YEAR CELEBRATION OF THE CENACLE IN THE PHILIPPINES September 25, 2015: Sunday Cenacle Chapel, Quezon City HOMILY Fr. Edmundo Martinez Today the Cenacle launches its year-long celebration marking its 50 years in the Philippines. They were all young, then, the first batch of five sisters, when they set up house here in Nicanor Reyes. And so was I who helped them with odds and ends like setting up their temporary extension phones. And now, fifty years after, for the original five, youth is gone; old age has set in. And yet, while the age of youth may be gone, the enthusiasm, anticipation, and joy of youth remain—but this time in a deeper, more sober, and wiser way. How can one say this? Because it is impossible to remain committed to the work of the Cenacle for 50 years unless there is the enthusiasm of moving forward, the anticipation of success, the joy of knowing that what one has done and continuous to do are worthwhile, meaningful, and fulfilling. For these seem to be an unmistakable sign of God’s work: life and joy. One is reminded of the priest’s opening words in the old latin mass: “Introibo ad altare Dei; ad Deum qui laetificat juventutem meam:” I will enter into the altar of God, to God who gives joy to my youth.” For what is the work of the Cenacle that is the work of God? It is to lead others to God, that they may find Him in their lives, in themselves, in their families, in their communities—not once, not occasionally, but habitually, in a continuing, incrementally pervading manner. And this is a task that requires such great discernment that it would be impossible unless it is done in, and with the Holy Spirit. Let us look more closely at what is involved in the Cenacle’s work. All men seek God, and all religions are an institutionalization of that seeking for God. But it is only in the Christian faith that that unknown, transcendend, fearful, utterly-other God has found a face: it is the face of the man, Jesus. And it is only in the Christian faith that the way to God is clearly marked: it is the way shown by Jesus, the way taken by Jesus himself—the way of the cross. How does one, in this age when no person or institution is held sacrosanct or infallible, lead another to Jesus, hung upon a cross? The answer is the selfsame answer for which the gospel is preached, for which the Church labors, for which every religious congregation exists: conversion. And while we commonly talk of the conversion of the “human heart”, in fact, the critical issue is the conversion of the human spirit. For the objective in the conversion is not in the eradication of poverty, or the fight for justice, or the imposition of law and order. The objective of conversion is that which is the cause of all these evils in human society and in ourselves. It is the healing of the diseased spirit of man that is the cause of all these irrational, deceitful, and destructive palpitations of the human heart. To paraphrase the words of Jesus to the Samaritan woman: God is spirit, and those who seek him must seek him in spirit and truth. Or more pointedly, to the learned Nicodemus: “No one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.” In our time and age, with all our advances in scientific and historical understanding of the world and ourselves, we would transpose the term classical term “spirit” into the more modern term, “spirit-as-experienced”, and identify it with the experience of self-awareness. Anyone who hears what I am saying can be called “aware”, and once one is awake, one is aware. So awareness is something quite familiar. However, awareness of self or self-awareness is not something as familiar. We are all, of course, self-aware. Even as I am aware of talking to you now, I am simultaneously aware, looking at your faces, that you are asking yourselves questions. Now that “I” that is aware of myself talking, and aware of myself as aware of your questioning, is me as self-aware, as spirit. I realize that all this may be confusing stuff, and professional philosophers do continually struggle and debate about it. Although the philosophical explicitation of it may be difficult, the reality is simple enough. When I blow my top and later say, ”I forgot myself,” what I am really saying is that I, even as I was blowing my top, I was ignoring the demands of my self-awareness to control myself. When I live a lavish ostentatious life, and later feel shamed because so many live with so little, what I am really feeling is that even as I was living such a self-centered life, I was refusing the insistence of my self-awareness to change my ways. Self-awareness is the locus of our self-responsibility. It is that from which defilement comes, as Jesus said. It is that on which the law of the Lord is written. It is also that from which springs what true love we are capable of; that in us which longs for God as the deer longs for running water; that which is the image of God in us. Self-awareness is who we are. When then I mentioned that the work of the Cenacle requires great discernment and that it would be impossible unless it is done in, and with the Holy Spirit, it is of these matters that I speak. Out of the welter of all the conflicting, compounding, confusing matters that make up a person’s life, the focus of the Cenacle work is the inner person, the self., To draw out that inner person from the morass and confusion of a troubled life, to guide another to discover his or her inner person

Homilies, Soul Food

Trustworthy in small matters

Homily by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ, for the Twenty-fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time, at the Cenacle Retreat House, Quezon City. The Gospel is from Luke 16:1-13. Let me read to you a text I received recently from a dear friend. He says, “Arnel, can you remember in your prayers my son who is frustrated in his job? Very talented boy, as you know, but gets frustrated easily. He already quit two jobs, same reason. Please pray for him.” Then his last line, “Time is wasted on the young.” I never thought I’d actually see the day when I’d be saying the same words I heard from many priests at mass when I was growing up. “Ang mga kabataan ngayon,” they often said “gusto nila, lahat instant.” Remember those times, remember those words? They said something like, “young people today expect giant returns for dwarfish efforts,” or “they want immediate reward before even putting in the hard work.” I even remember the metaphors they used, which sound funny & outdated now, but still true: “instant coffee, instant mami, instant calculator….” Like my friend today, the old priests back in the day already saw this crisis, that young people hit rock-bottom too soon, before putting in the effort to run so that they could fly. Well, those young people whom the old priests were referring to, they grew up…& became us! And many of us, grown-up’s swore we’d never raise children that way; that instead we would impress upon our children that the really crucial & lasting things in life grow from long, painstaking, even boring work, rather than from instant coffee, instant mami, instant calculator. We swore we’d show them the truth behind our salawikain: na ‘pag may tiyaga, may nilaga; ‘pag may isinuksok, may madudukot; na habang maikli ang kumot, matutong mamaluktot, kung humaba na’t lumapad, saka mag-unat-unat.” We resolved that we’d show our children how to endure the long wait before self-gratification. But then just a few weeks ago at a restaurant, a family came in with two very restless, very rowdy kids. When they got all settled, mom & dad promptly gave each kid…an iPad. And what a transfiguration! Instant discipline! “The person trustworthy in small matters is also trustworthy in great ones, & the person dishonest in small matters is also dishonest in great ones.” How divine these words, coming from the Lord himself, yet how very practical. They’re not just about money even if the parable bears such a theme. To be honest & trustworthy in small matters means that we accept, & reckon with, & ground ourselves in something that has remained unchanged since the beginning of time, & this is the reality that the most essential things in life, the “big” things, are forged solid by small, laborious, & persistent blazing, brazing, & molding. Marami na pong nagbago sa buhay at sa mundo, maliban sa katotohanang ito, & this old truth cuts across issues. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about financial security, or getting a degree, or being married, or raising children. Honesty & trustworthiness in the small things is what gives our feet their strength to run so that the wings God puts on our backs can help us fly. The steward who reaches the essential things in life despite many imperfections, is a person who works very hard while trusting very deeply in God. “No servant can serve two masters;” another set of words very divine yet very practical. We barely notice how instant self-gratification has become our master, hasn’t it? These past years, the older we grow, the more impatient we’ve become, the more easily aggravated, the less tolerant. And I speak for myself, as well; I really do. How we behave in traffic is one of the worst examples of this, as you know. How we bribe government agencies to expedite our documents, there’s another. And please forgive me for saying so, how we’ve lately cleansed our country of criminality—all of this shows how we’ve grown weary & quit doing it the Lord’s way, which is really the long, arduous, well-thought-out, & honest way…the way of the cross, as it’s sometimes called. The first-reading surprisingly reflects our state of affairs. “You who trample on the needy & destroy the poor of the land,” Amos says. “You who diminish the measure of flour in order to add to the value of money…you who fix the scales for cheating.” What is all that of that about? It is all about self-indulgent Israel that loves the quick fix. It is instant self-gratification right there, writ large, writ old. And the usual casualties of it all, then & now? The poor. Since we, humanity, often ride rough over each other to get to our big dreams the soonest possible time regardless of whom we hurt, why does God continue taking care of us—the small, self-absorbed, quarreling stewards that we are? Maybe the 2nd reading has the answer? Because we are beloved? Because we are “good and pleasing to God our savior who wills everyone to be saved and to come to knowledge of the truth”? With God’s unconditional positive regard for us, doesn’t it make us wonder sometimes, who serves whom?

Homilies, Soul Food

Spiritual Poverty

There was a time before I was ordained when religious life became a particularly rough & stormy ride. I would write my mom about them, but careful to not laden her with details she might either not understand or feel totally helpless about. And mom’s replies were kilometric! They were so long that I don’t remember most of what they said. But there was one thing she did write about the storms in my life, something that would stay with me for a long, long time. “Anak, kapag lagi ka na lang masaya sa buhay, baka hindi mo na kailanganin ang Diyos.” That’s Mom’s spirituality at its rawest & deepest, without the advantage of any philosophical or theological education. “Anak, if your life is absolutely worry-free, you might not feel the need for God anymore.” When we were called to religious life, we knew full well that it was pretty much a yes especially to self-abnegation—abnegation of our privilege to ownership, of our self-seeking desires, of our self-directed will. Do you remember how we felt profound freedom & consolation in living our vows as we began the first few years in religious life? It was a promise fulfilled, wasn’t it, that sense of freedom, consolation, & simplicity? No wonder, novitiate years are always the sweetest years. Everyone’s on the same page, especially regarding self-surrender. We really had only God & each other as our tanging yaman. Then, we grow older in religious life. We’re convinced that it is all because of God’s grace, & nothing else, that we’re decently furnished all that we need to be effective in ministry—that we’re given fish when we need fish, & not a snake, that we’re given an egg when we need an egg, & not a scorpion. Really, what we’ve asked for, we’ve pretty much been given. As we seek, so have we found, pretty much. And many, many doors have opened before we even begin knocking. Now, how’s that for God’s hundredfold? You & I are living, breathing testimony to the fact that no self-abnegation of ours can ever outdo God’s generosity. In other words, our Father has given us this day, & every day, our daily bread, & much more besides, even during times that we don’t deserve them. We gave him our yes, but he ended up losing nearly all of his no’s. Because even his no is a concealed yes—& always to our advantage. How’s that for divine self-abnegation, for God putting Godself at our disposal? However, I think it’s a very human turn of character to get a little “spoiled” by God’s goodness. To become a little too comfortable—with ownership, with our desires, with our own will. In fact, I’d dare say, never mind being too comfortable with ownership or desires—so long as our renunciation of will remains the stronghold of our community life, our charism. But as it happens in many religious communities including mine, as we go further & longer into religious life, the personal will hardens as the last bastion we abnegate, if at all. It’s captain? Our ego. In other words, more than the material or the physical, it’s the spiritual poverty we finally, if inadvertently, un-friend. And I hear my mom say, “Anak, kung lagi ka na lang masaya, baka hindi mo na kailanganin ang Diyos.” We certainly do not want to give up being desperate for God, do we? Wouldn’t we want to always be desperate for God? To need God desperately is a familiar place for us. It’s a mysterious continuum of freedom & dependence. To need God desperately is a curious tango between consolation & distress, a breath-taking vitality of emptiness & fulfillment. Spiritual poverty keeps our spirit alive! In other words, whereas all our needs are now nicely furnished, unless we will to be spiritually poor, then maybe mom might be right, baka hindi na natin kailanganin ang Diyos. Maybe the Our Father is a prayer of constant desperation, of spiritual poverty. When we ask God’s kingdom to come, or that his will be done; when we ask for bread, for forgiveness, for the capacity to forgive; & when we profess that left to ourselves, we will surely be complicit to temptation & evil…when we say all that, maybe we are telling our Father how desperate we are for him. Or maybe we will realize how no longer desperate we are for him. When his disciples asked our Lord to teach them how to pray, maybe that one prayer he wanted them to say was a prayer of desperation. For don’t you think Jesus wants us to always be desperate for God, so that we keep asking, & seeking, & knocking, the way we did, once-upon-a-time, when we answered God’s call to a life of self-abnegation? I don’t know, maybe Jesus meant for us to be constantly spiritually poor. Maybe this was what he felt all his life as the Father’s faithful son. For when we are spiritually poor, it must be God himself who hollows out an emptiness in our hearts, so that he can in turn fill it & hallow it with himself. Maybe. (Homily given by Fr. Arnel Aquino, S.J, at the Cenacle Retreat House on July 23, 2016, anticipated 17th Sunday in Ordinary Time.)

Homilies, Soul Food

Salvation is God Loving Us First

Homily by Fr. Arnel Aquino, SJ, for the Sixteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time, at the Cenacle Retreat House, Quezon City. The Gospel is from Luke 10:38-42. My elder brother & I did very well in the Ateneo de Davao while we were growing up. We tried to land in the honor roll every quarter, & join elocution & spelling contests where we thought we excelled. As each school-year came to a close, kuya & I, in quiet desperation, gunned for the most medals because we figured, the more medals we had, the more times dad & mom could come up onstage to pin them on us. Kuya & I were desperate, I say again. Because dad expected only 1st-honors. He once said, “I know both of you are capable of always being 1st honors. So do it. Kami ng mommy n’yo, public school lang kami noon. Kayo ngayon, Ateneo. So, do it. Take advantage of the blessing. Don’t be 2nd honor or 3rd honor; first honor lang!” Dad put all our medals in one big frame he hung on the wall. But whenever I looked at that vitreous memento of our accomplishments, I felt more sad than anything else. Whereas dad was all the happier & prouder when we were 1st-honor, the opposite was also true. He’d go into some kind of “funk” if we landed anything less. He’d be surly, cold, on-edge; 2nd, 3rd honor, silver, bronze…not good enough. I think I’ve told you this story before. There was one evening when dad flew into a rage when he saw that our final exam grades wouldn’t land us 1st honors. Kuya was in 6th grade, I was in 4th. We had written our marks on our assignment notebook & show them to our parents. At noong, ika nga, tinimbang kami ni daddy ngunit kulang, our notebooks came hurtling across the living room as he hurled them at the television. Then he yelled, “Wala na bang itataas ito!?” Then he stormed out & went up the bedroom. Then, after what seemed to be forever, he summoned us up to the room where we found him looking very, very tired. He sat us in front of him, & with disarming tenderness, he said, “Mga anak, magmula ngayon, hinding-hindi na ako magagalit nang dahil lang sa grado n’yo sa eskwela. I’m sorry, mga anak.” The next thing I remember: my face buried against dad’s neck, & my cheek turning warm with my tears. From that evening forward, kuya & I didn’t have to purchase dad’s pride with the currency of medals & honor cards. In that moment of contemplation in the room, dad finally paused from all his frantic struggle for success which he calibrated according to the medals & honors he could make his sons bring home. Dad must’ve finally realized something else was more important to him now than honors & medals, & that was, that we were his children. There’s nothing wrong with being like a Martha who spins around like a top in the kitchen—always doing, doing, doing stuff for Jesus. But you know, several people have asked me, “Father, what else can I do ba to please God? I pray every morning & night naman, I give alms, I go to Church faithfully, I confess naman, I try to be a good mother & wife. What more can I do?” Then, the clincher: “Why do I feel it’s not enough?” Not enough for God (I usually want to ask)? Or not enough for you? Is it really all about satisfying God? Maybe, if for a while, we stopped doing, doing, doing something for God, & for a change, listening, waiting, being present to God, we might finally awaken to the sense that it doesn’t have to be always all about us pleasing God all the time. It’s also all about God loving us first—before we can even do the first thing for him. Like kuya & I grew up thinking that we had to earn dad’s pride by a maddening forage for honors & medals, many Catholics have been led to think that we must earn God’s love at a high price, we must merit expensive grace by doing, doing, doing; that we must guarantee our heaven by praying, praying, praying; that we must forestall God’s anger by obeying, obeying, obeying. No, I’m not saying we should stop doing or praying or obeying. But if we are scared that God might stop loving us, blessing us, & saving us unless we earn it, then we’d have tragically misrepresented God. If that’s the case, salvation & grace become all about us, what we can do. And only subsequently about God—signing our assignment notebook, “first honor”. Jesus didn’t take it against Martha for spinning around in the kitchen. He knew she was doing this for him. But not for a minute did Jesus take it against Mary either, for not doing anything, just sitting there, for him. Jesus loved the sisters, that was the most important thing; he wanted to visit with them, to stay with them, to waste time with them & share their presence before either woman could even do anything for him. This short story of Jesus in Bethany speaks volumes about salvation, dear sisters & brothers. Salvation is primarily God loving us first, & only subsequently, us loving him back. Both are important & needed & inseparable. But we need to get the order right: laging nauuna tayong mahalin ng Diyos. At ang pag-ibig ng Diyos, hindi kailangan kitain, o suhulan, o bilhin, kasi bigay. Libre. At buhos pa. Tayo lang naman ang naglalagay ng presyo sa pag-ibig ng Diyos, kasi madalas, ganoon tayo sa isa’t isa. Pero ang Diyos hindi ganon. What we can do for God is second only to the breadth & depth of his joy & delight in loving us first, in blessing us freely, & in wanting to be with us forever. God’s love is first, free, & forever. Amen.

Homilies, Soul Food

13th Sunday in Ordinary Time (Luke 9: 51-62)

By Fr. Braulio Dahunan, SJ Is Jesus trying to attract or to discourage followers? In today’s Gospel, Jesus is so honest and upfront in bringing about the hardships and difficulties it will involve in following Him. He gives three scenarios to illustrate his point. The first scenario is about this person who feels so drawn to Jesus that before he’s even called, he takes the initiative himself. He resolutely says, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus, however, wants to make him aware if he truly means what he is saying, and Jesus tells him, “Foxes have holes and the birds of the air their nests, but the Son of Man who has nowhere to lay his head.” Here Jesus is trying to show that to follow Him is to relinquish one’s security and well-being. To follow Jesus is a risky venture. He offers neither security nor well-being. To follow Jesus means not settling down in well-being and not seeking false securities. Following Jesus means entrusting one’s self to and trusting more in Jesus. The second scenario is on someone who is ready to follow him, but asks first to fulfill the sacred obligation of burying his father. But Jesus response to him is quite unsettling, “Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Jesus is trying to show that to follow Him means to make a firm decision. To open up paths to God’s Kingdom by working for that which is life-giving is always the most important task. Nothing must affect one’s decision. No one must hold him back or stop him. The third scenario is about this person who wants to say goodbye to his family before following him, Jesus says: “No one who puts hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” Here Jesus makes clear that following Him means there is no looking back. To follow Him is to focus one’s attention on Him and His mission. It’s not possible to open up paths to God’s Kingdom being imprisoned in the past and being unable to look on what lies ahead. Are we attracted or discouraged to follow Jesus as he shows to us what it really means to follow Him? Following Jesus is not mainly based on attraction or discouragement, because if it is our only basis, then our following of Jesus will not be that meaningful and it will surely not endure to the very end. However, following Jesus must be based on how much we deeply love Him. Jesus’ words are not meant to just simply attract or discourage, it is truly meant to challenge us, His followers. Jesus’ challenge for all us is this—if we want to follow him we will have to love him even more than we love those for whom we would normally have the deepest natural affection. As God’s representative, as God’s Son, Jesus alone is to be loved in the way that God is to be loved, with all our heart, soul, strength and mind. Nothing less will do for God or for God’s Son. Jesus seems to be saying that if we want to be his disciples, we can’t be half-hearted about it. Our following of the Lord is not a casual affair; it needs to be carefully considered, just as someone who decides to build a tower or to go to war needs to think it through thoroughly beforehand. To follow Jesus means a complete dedication of self, an abandonment of all other attachments and involvements. Anyone who is willing to follow Christ must absolutely and completely entrust himself or herself to Him, let Him dictate what the proper attachments are, and let Him take care of his or her well-being. Becoming Christ’s disciple means to truly and sincerely commit to Him and His teaching. And so, we must establish our priorities and not to allow things to stand in the way of that which we consider important. Thus, Christianity is not only a Sunday morning religion. It is a hungering after Jesus to the point of death if need be. It shakes our foundations, topples our priorities, pits us against friend and family and makes us strangers in this world and people call us: “out of our minds!” Are we able to keep up with the challenge of being followers of Jesus? Honestly, we are not! We have not been following Jesus with all our hearts. We have not been fully responding to the demands of the Gospel. We have not been completely faithful to Christ. Rightly so, because no one in this world, with the exception of Mary, has ever been able to live that absolute dedication of self to Christ in the absolute manner that we hope to do. As we continue to desire to follow Christ, we have to humbly acknowledge that we are never right up with Christ, never in any way His equal. As we continue to keep up with the challenges of following Him, we do not have to worry about that, about perfection. We just have to strive our very best to love Him passionately and serve Him generously as we can every day. Following Jesus is not all about relinquishing or giving-up, but it is more on bequeathing or giving, which is solely motivated by our love for Jesus. Following Jesus is not only making a firm decision, but it is more on abiding on one’s decision because of love. Following Jesus is not just about not looking back, but it is more on treading forward with much devotion to Jesus and His mission. My dear friends, as we continue with our Eucharistic Celebration, let us humbly beg the Lord through the intercession of Mary, our Mother, to grant us the grace to live our Christian vocation with passionate love for Jesus and allow ourselves to be challenged by Jesus’ words and examples in the Gospel so that

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