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The Joy and Sufferings of a Saint

Homily of Fr. James Ucab at the Cenacle Retreat House, on Sept 23, 2018:   Good afternoon dear Sisters and Dear Brothers. Today we are now on the 7th day of our novena as we prepare for the feast Of our dear St. Thérèse Couderc. And the theme is Joy. St. Thérèse Couderc once said and I quote, I experienced a joy and a happiness it is not possible to describe. And on another instance she said, We should never allow a single thought of sadness to come into our hearts, since we have within us the one who is the joy of Angels. [Hmmm..] So edifying words. Hearing those words of St. Thérèse Couderc made me imagine an image of a Saint wearing the black habit living a holy, comfortable, and stress-free life. But wait, there’s more. Before I will be carried away because of my beautiful imagination and contemplation of the life of St Thérèse Couderc, let me have a glimpse of her life again to validate, hopefully, my imagination of the Saint’s life. According to my source, the Saint underwent humiliations during her time as a nun for she was forced to resign from her position of Superior and was ridiculed and mocked due to false accusations made against her, though this softened towards the end of her life. Is my source correct, Sisters? Again according to my source, after the death of the Fr. Jean-Pierre Etienne Terme, a scheming religious made an incorrect financial report in order to demoralize St Thérèse Couderc. Unfortunately, the fake news reached the Provincial of the Jesuits, Fr. Renault, and he removed her from her post and she was replaced by a Novice who was also removed later from the post. She was humiliated and was banished for some period of time. This story is but a tiny information about her sufferings. I am curious and I wanted to read the correspondence she made which I know is tenderly kept by the Sisters. There maybe we can find more details of her suffering. Let me go back to my words earlier describing St. Thérèse Couderc: a Saint wearing the black habit living a holy, comfortable, and stress-free life. The story of St Thérèse Couderc is not quite unique. There are also other persons who experienced a similar kind of experience. For instance, the Servant of Yahweh in the Book of the Prophet Isaiah, the just person in our first reading today,Bl. Therese de Souberan a French founder of the Auxiliatrice Sisters, Sta. RafaelaMaria Porras the Foundress of the ACI Sisters, and of course our very own Jesus Christ Going back to St. Thérèse Couderc, but what really made St. Thérèse Couderc a Saint and a person worth imitating? Is it her suffering and humiliations? Personal opinion lang po. I guess, it is unfair and it is not right to say that in order for us to become Saints, we need to experience humiliations and sufferings. Na, in order for us to become an exemplary religious or priest we have to become the “victim…” the famous pa victim effect. I believe and I am convinced that what made St. Thérèse Holy and worth imitating is her commitment to do the will of God with joy despite the sufferings and humiliations she experienced as a Foundress and as a Consecrated person.

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Be on guard

Homily of Fr. Joel Liwanag, S.J. on August 30, 2018 at the  Cenacle Retreat House:   My dear brothers and sisters, the message of Jesus in today’s Gospel is loud and clear: Stay awake! Be on guard! Don’t fall into complacency because you do not know when the master is coming. The question, however, is: HOW? How do we stay awake? How do we avoid falling into a spiritual slumber? How do we make sure that when the master comes, we will be ready? To answer this question, I guess we need to go back to our experiences of staying awake. In our ordinary life, how do we stay awake? What is it that keeps us awake? This morning, allow me to call attention to three ways. First, we usually stay awake by taking in caffeine – by drinking coffee or soft drinks or some other energy drink. Those among you who’ve had to stay up late to finish something have probably tried this. If we apply this to our spiritual life, one way to stay awake is to find something that will perk up our faith. Some, for instance, would join charismatic prayer groups and participate in livelier forms of worship. Others would go on a silent retreat and spend days in quiet prayer. Some would try to incorporate music into their prayer routine. The point my dear friends is to find something that will awaken the spirit within us every now and then.   I invite you now to ask yourself: how is my faith life, my spiritual life, my prayer life? If you find yourself in some sort of plateau, if you find your faith life lacking in dynamism, perhaps you can ask yourself: what can I do to perk up the spirit within? What can I do to keep the spirit alive? Aside from taking in caffeine, another way to stay awake is by surrounding ourselves with friends who can keep us company. Those among you who’ve experienced long distance driving know how helpful it is to have a companion who will engage you in a conversation throughout the journey. My dear friends, in our spiritual life, one way through which we can keep ourselves awake is by having friends who are willing to accompany us in our journey of faith. I guess this is really the value of community. If you are part of a community, someone will be there to remind you when you are going astray. Someone will be there to wake you up the moment you are starting to doze off. Ask yourself now: Do I have such friends? Do I have such companions who can help me stay awake?   Finally, the third way through which we usually stay awake is by keeping ourselves busy. If we are occupied, if we are busy doing things, the lesser the chances for us to fall asleep. But if we are idle, if we are doing nothing, then the tendency to doze off is strong. In our spiritual life, we can say that it is similar. When our spiritual life is idle, then we fall into a spiritual slumber. As the saying goes, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” The key therefore is to find something worthwhile to do, something that can keep our faith alive. In the Letter of James, it is written: “Faith without good works is dead.” Thus, one way to keep our faith alive is to engage in good works, for instance, by doing corporal works of mercy – feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, comforting the sick. My dear friends, if we want to keep our faith truly alive, then we cannot but engage in good works. I invite you to ask yourself now: Is my faith kept alive by good works? What good works am I engaged in at the moment? If you find yourself lacking in this area, it’s not too late. Try to find something worthwhile make your faith come to life. And so, my dear friends, as our Lord Jesus invites us to stay awake, let us keep in mind these three ways through which we can do this: first, by  finding something that will perk up our spiritual life. Second, by findinf friends who can accompany us in our faith journey. And third, by engaging in good works that will keep our faith alive. Let us pray that when the Master comes, we will all be awake, ready to meet Him and say: Lord, we have kept our faith alive. Amen.

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The True Meaning of Joy

The grace we ask for at this time of Easter season is “To be glad and rejoice intensely because of the great joy and glory of Christ our Lord” (#221 ). Two things should be noted of this grace. First, the focus is on the great joy and glory of Christ. That joy gives us our own joy — not vice versa. Imagine seeing a young child playing, and feeling happy because that child is having fun. Our first experience of the resurrection is like that. That first state of joy carries us out of ourselves; we pray to be happy because we experience Christ’s joy and can enter into that joy. Ignatius also recommends we ask for the grace to be intensely glad and to rejoice intensely. Not only do we need to ask for that grace and expect it, we also need to live as if we have received it. At this time, we avoid all those things that may cause us to lose that grace, and we seek those things that contribute to that state of being.   Joy is often equated with loud celebrations. True joy is not like that. Joy is the felt sense of being rooted in God’s love. It is calm and focused and deep.. Happiness occurs when my desires coincide with the energies around me, and I am affirmed in myself. Joy is acknowledging, in a self-conscious manner, my rootedness in a love and a life that is larger than me and that I know cares for me. In joy, I live out my awareness as the redeemed beloved of the Father; unlike in pleasure and excitement, I experience my selfhood solely in a physical way..     In this season, as we enter more and more deeply into the resurrection, we want to remain recollected so that we do not lose all the gifts we have been moving towards during our retreat (Holy Week). If we did so, we would be like those people who earn a small fortune working long, hard hours in remote areas, only to lose it in a frenzy of mind less self-indulgence when they return to the world they left behind.   (Adapted from the book The Gift of Spiritual Intimacy by Monty Williams S.J.)     Make known to me your ways, LORD; teach me your paths. Guide me by your fidelity and teach me, for you are God my savior, for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5       (More information about our upcoming retreats and workshops can be found here.)

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Making ‘heart-sense’ of Suffering

Have you ever had the experience of feeling that you were being prepared for something but did not understand what you were being prepared for? I remember that I was just a year into a major responsibility when I had a powerful yet unusual experience in prayer. In prayer I felt very strongly that God was saying to me, I will be with you through all these. I was puzzled what “all these” meant since there was really nothing earthshaking going on in my life. About four months later, I was diagnosed with the dreaded disease – I had cancer. Initially, whenever I was asked how I was, I would bemusedly answer, “I think I’m shocked. I don’t feel anything.” For the next two days, I went about systematically cancelling my seminars, retreats, appointments, informing my family, our superiors in Rome – as though making arrangements for a stranger. Later, when the reality of the cancer sunk in, I cried out to God in fear asking, “Lord, how do we go through this together? Where will this bring me? Where will this bring us?”   We are once again in the season of Holy Week that we usually associate with the Lord’s intense suffering – that’s why it’s also called the week of the PASSION, a word to mean intense love. We come to times and places like these hoping to find some sense why there is so much pain and suffering in our lives, in the lives of those we love, in the world. We hope that we can find our own personal stories of suffering against the backdrop of the greatest story of love of Jesus. As we reflect on the reality of suffering, maybe we can ask ourselves: What is God’s invitation to me with regards my experience of suffering? How am I to be with it? How do I make ‘heart-sense’ of this? How am I to bring this experience into my relationship with God?   I like to see this experience of suffering as an inner journey that can have “landmarks” to help me go through this passage. I call these the “landmarks in the landscape of suffering”. (1st landmark)   Suffering is a lonely experience This hit me when the reality of what cancer could do to my life began to take hold of me. I felt very alone. Because of this, there were many moments when it was unbearably lonely. Although the whole Congregation, my family, my friends were praying for me and tried to be with me, there was still something about what was happening to me that I could not share with anyone even if I wanted to. There were times when I wanted to cry and no tears came. I wanted to talk about my fears, my inner turmoil, my questions but no words came. There were times when I felt like I was imprisoned within thick glass walls. I could see people, they could see me but I could not reach them. I seemed so isolated in their midst. (2nd landmark) Suffering takes us on an emotional rollercoaster ride Having worked through emotional problems – both my own and others’ – I know that we have a wide variety of feelings like the many colors of the rainbow, feelings that need articulation. I experienced the myriad of feelings and emotions in the short span of time as I agonized and waited for the surgery date, test results, doctors, healing to happen…just waiting. The most difficult part of the waiting was knowing that there was uncertainty ahead and the unknown before me. In the face of suffering there were two options possible – to fight the experience and take control of everything OR to let go of my control of how things should be and surrender to God’s healing process and the ministrations of the healers around me. (3rd landmark) Suffering opens us to experience the silence of God When we don’t understand things that happen to us, we ask questions. If we have tried to be a good person or “God-fearing”, we may ask why suffering visits us, like the title of a book: Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People by a Jewish rabbi. Maybe that’s a good title for the questioning we go through. I hear people ask questions like: Is God punishing me? Is God testing my faith? What did I do to deserve this? In these times, we experience that God is so silent. Life seemed like one endless gloom in the valley of death. And yet, when I had moments of quiet within myself, I felt God’s presence in the silence. Even as I was hurting badly, I felt in some unexplainable way, that God was hurting with me. God understood my pain. God shared it. And that enabled me to move on and work through the pain and suffering. That consolation did not make the suffering less painful. It made it bearable. (4th landmark)   Suffering invites me to locate this experience in my on going love relationship with my God. The song If I Could by Barbara Streisand speaks of what a mother goes through for the sake of her child. I would help you make it through the hungry years but I know I can never cry your tears. But I would, if I could .. I have tried to change the world I brought you to and there’s not much I would not do for you and I would if I could. What parent does not want the best for their child? They would even want to spare their child from pain, but that is not possible. So when the child suffers, the parents suffer with them. When the one I love is in pain, I too am in pain. I share in whatever pain or joy my loved one is experiencing. Sharing the other’s suffering is called compassion. The invitation to receive the grace of compassion is

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Nuggets for the Season

Monday of the Second Week in Lent (February 26, 2018) Jesus said to his disciples: “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.”     – Luke 6:36-38 ‘Less of Me’ – Glen Campbell. Let me be a little kinder Let me be a little blinder To the faults of those about me Let me praise a little more Let me be when I am weary  Just a little bit more cheery  Think a little more of others  And a little less of me  Let me be a little braver When temptation bids me waver  Let me strive a little harder  To be all that I should be Let me be a little meeker  With the brother that is weaker  Let me think more of my neighbor  And a little less of me Let me be when I am weary  Just a little bit more cheery  Let me serve a little better Those that I am strivin’ for  Let me be a little meeker  With the brother that is weaker  Think a little more of others  And a little less of me  

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Lent – a story of love

 Today is Valentine’s day, and, also, Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Can we really celebrate both together? This is Lent. Lent was the dog of the Filipino sisters who run the Vila Sao Jose Center in Coloane, Macau, where I had my retreat. The sisters adored Lent. He followed them around the four-storey building, accompanied them in their daily chores. Lent’s mother was a stray dog who came to the center everyday because the kind sisters feed her. After a few days of absence she appeared again at their doorstep, this time carrying her newborn, as if entrusting her baby to the sisters’ care. That puppy was Lent, named so because he came to them during Lent. During the Christmas break all the sisters went home to the Philippines leaving Lent with Kuya Dong, their gardener/handyman. One day the sisters got a call from Kuya Dong saying Lent has weakened because he has refused to eat since they left, and that he tried everything to make him eat, but Lent would not budge. After three weeks the sisters went back to Macau, but Lent was no longer there to meet them. They were one day too late. The vet said Lent must have gone into depression thinking that his masters have abandoned him, and then eventually succumbed to cardiac arrest. Lent’s story is a love story. He was loved from the beginning till the end of his life. But, like many great love stories, his met a tragic end. The seemingly somber atmosphere of the season of Lent, however, is not about tragedy. In fact, we know that at the end of this season we celebrate the Feast of all feasts— the victory of Christ over death on Easter Sunday. Then why do we need to go through Lent? This is where Lent’s story has reminded me of these two important things: 1) the need to face and embrace our pain and 2) God is faithful to his promises. Lent loved his masters intensely that he was not able to bear the pain of loneliness of their absence, even when Kuya Dong was there to care for him, he could not be appeased. Had Lent known that his masters never intended to abandon him, and that they would be back soon because they loved him too, had he understood their promise, he would have patiently waited and endured his suffering knowing that the great joy of reuniting with his masters would be his at the end of it. We do not have the mind and heart of a dog. Even when some dogs act more human than many human beings we know, only the human has the Spirit of God been breathed into. If dogs are capable of exhibiting what seems to us as love, how much more are we humans capable of loving— God created us from love, in love and for love. The season of Lent is about trusting this love.  Do we find ourselves trusting God’s love for us?   How often have we doubted our own worth, convinced that we have been abandoned, forgotten , rejected and unloved?  How is it that despite hearing the comforting and affirming words of others, we still could not see beyond our own convictions?   Trusting this love will mean that we beg to hear God’s promise repeated to us: Death is not the end of our story, though we must die first in order for new life to begin. We are able to embrace and endure our pain because we have been loved and we are loved, and that God promised us joy will be ours in the end.   When we persevere in faith amidst our suffering, we allow God to purify us from false loves, so that we may know what real love is. This is also the belief behind sacrifices and self-denial during Lent. May our Lenten observances lead us to deeper faith and trust in God, and an even greater love and solidarity for those who are suffering. May our belief in the Resurrection help us to open our hearts to God’s love for us and to hope in the fulfillment of God’s promises. Jesus, our Master, will never abandon us.     Sr. Yna, Oñate rc Cenacle-Macau

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A permanent & unshakable character of God – Santo Niño

Homily from Fr. Arnel Aquino S.J. on January 20, 2018, Feast of Sto. Niño, Holy Child Jesus, at the Cenacle Retreat House. On the 1st week of the new year, I went home to Davao to visit with my dad for a week. One day, I decided to walk from the Jesuit Residence to San Pedro Cathedral. My mom used to love hearing mass there. The church is a good walk, around 2.5, 3 km from the JesRes. So walk I did, one Sunday afternoon, to catch the 5:30 Cebuano mass. Just 5 minutes into my walk, a little girl, about 1/3 of my height, broke into my direction, walking a few paces in front of me. From the way the little girl walked—which was really more of an “advanced toddle”—she must’ve been around 4 years old. She was in rags, too, so easily a street urchin, but cute as button like all kids her age—curly hair, fat cheeks, feet like little pandesals! And, my God, she was going at a good clip, because as I kept my pace, I wasn’t gaining on her. Ten minutes in, the little girl was still walking, no sign of stopping or turning back; no sign of anyone coming to meet her. So it struck me silly to realize this child was really alone! And she & I were the only ones going my direction at the time. Or maybe I didn’t notice the others because I was busy being roped in to watch over the little girl. Ten minutes in, she was still walking. For a 4-yr-old, that’s a pretty long time & a pretty long way. I very strongly felt the urge to catch up with her & assume full responsibility, but I didn’t, because I was so curious to find out (a) where she was headed all by her lonesome, & (b) why there wasn’t a hint of “lost-ness” or fear or panic in her at all. On the contrary, she looked like she knew exactly what she was doing & where she was headed. “Still,” said my superego, “she’s just a 4-year-old kid, are you blind?” Before I knew it, she had gone off the sidewalk, crossed the street, & disappeared into a crowd on the other side. Minutes later, I couldn’t concentrate on the mass. I swore I’d probably have never lived it down if news the next day said “4-year-old girl found dead on C.M. Recto St.” When you see a child—especially one who “looks” alone, or “seems” alone—the first question in your head is: “Sinong magulang ng batang ito?” Why? Because if we think “sea” & immediately think water, if we think desert & immediately think dry, if we think “breathe” & immediately think air—when we think & see a child, we immediately think relationship, relatedness. That’s why there’s nothing sadder than an orphaned child, or a foundling. Deep in all human hearts, a child must never be alone. A child immeidately calls forth relationship, relatedness, connection. This is the first reason why I think the feast of the Santo Niño is important in our faith, sisters & brothers. The Santo Niño is the “infant-God,” the “child-God” who reminds us of a permanent & unshakable character of God which we often forget or take for granted: that immediately & once & for all, God is related to us, immediately & once & for all, connected to us, in a relationship with us, as his free choice, out of his free love. I wish to emphasize this, dear sisters & brothers, because many of us do not often think of God as immediately & once & for all related to us, in a relationship with us, loving us. Our default is often an image of God “above” us, isolated in all his power, like a benevolent overlord, a patient  prefect of discipline, a quiet moral policeman—all of which are “official” terms but hardly relational terms. That’s why we need the feast of the Santo Niño, & quite desperately so. It’s the infant-God’s way of reminding us who he is in his very essence: a God who is freely, immediately, & once & for all related to us, connected to us, in a relationship with us. If we take that seriously, it should make many of us turn a corner in our faith & religiosity. And just like it’s unnerving to see a 4-year-old child walking alone, it should unnerve us if we’ve always believed that God, to be God, should be asunder from us. Because, you & I know that he never is. No, not even when we sin. God never disconnects even if we do. You’ve also heard it said many times that the Christ-child reminds us of how deeply, vulnerably human Jesus was. Allow me to add a little something to that. When I saw the vulnerable little girl that Sunday afternoon, she made me feel vulnerable. Even if she & I were related in no way, shape, or form—her being just a child on a sidewalk straightaway roped me in, to assume some way, shape, or form of responsibility over her. Unbeknownst to her, she committed me to a very basic connection, a fundamental responsibility. Suddenly, I was disturbed by the challenge to care, to go beyond my comfort zone, to change direction; all of which I did not do that afternoon, because, shame on me, I was “running late”,  headed on a straight path to, of all places, church. That’s the 2nd reason I realized why the feast of the Santo Niño is important to us, dear sisters & brothers. Not only is an “infant-God” immediately & once & for all related to us—that relationship must make us feel vulnerable enough so that we do our part in it: to assume responsibility over it, to care for even the most fundamental connection, to push beyond our comfort zones or even change direction if needed…& in my case, vulnerable enough to feel deeply terrible if we don’t,

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What is your wish this season?

Homily from Fr. Mario Francisco, S.J. on January 1, 2018, Solemnity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of God, at the Cenacle Retreat House.   I pose what may seem an unlikely question to each of you, from the youngest in body to the young at heart: What is your wish this season? I ask this because this season makes sense only for those who wish. It could be anything from the priced/ prized—like a housedress with a euro pricetag (no names) to what an old Mastercard ad calls that which is priceless . Our usual measure of joy this season is the match between what we wish for and what we receive, between promise and fulfilment. Thus we count our blessings – heartfelt laughter with family and friends, health in body and spirit, broken hearts mended and hurts forgiven, fruitful ministries, generosity for those in need. We have indeed much to be joyful about . But what gives if wish and gift, promise and fulfilment do not match? I suppose you remember one gift you wished for but did not get. That unfulfilled wish could sow seeds of disappointment and blame at those we call “walang isang salita” —first at Santa Claus and then when we’ re older, parents. This broken promise could multiply hidden in our selves, and grow from tampo or mahay into resentment and anger, hitting at close targets, like those around us or at long-range, at life in general. Thus the world becomes a garden overgrown with broken vows, painful secrets , campaign promises , bullying posts and fake news weeded backyard where words betray and stifle. Does this season’ s meaning vanish into thin air for those of us left with empty words in this earth—patch outside Eden? We know that God comes to us at this season , not as Santa Claus, not as the All-Powerfu1 and the All-Wealthy but as Word, the Word spoken by the Father. He spoke before through others – prophets, holy women and men of Israel – but now, he gives us his Word—the only Word more solid than anything in the universe, because it is not thin air but made visible, made flesh and this Word’s promise never broken. As we say, “Ang kanyang pangako’y hindi kailanman mapapako [His promise will not be nailed and remain just a promise] ” although we know too that this Word would be nailed on the cross as fulfilment of his promise . My dear friends, with this singular gift to us of God’s only-begotten Word made solid in the flesh in Jesus, human words, our very words, though flimsy and fragile , gain weight, because Jesus spoke with these same words to family and followers, to the suffering and the powerful, to little children and to his heavenly Father. Let us then echo his voice and speak to each other, face to face or in digital space, with words of truthfulness and fidelity of generosity and compassion . This season we have great reason to be joyful. We express thanks for countless gifts and fulfilled wishes . But more than wish fulfilment and most of all, we sing our gratitude for the unbroken promise of God’ s Word made flesh and for the worth and weight that it gives our own fumbling words to each other .

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